The Rather Shallow Fantastic Journey: Part One."
by Alan Smithee
Summary: The start of a story that I'm working on and eventually plan to work into a regular script.
1. Default Chapter Title

"The Rather Shallow huge Life Adventure."  
  
by Tom Greene.  
  
Story by me, most characters by them.  
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!   
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it is for good reasons.Ah, screw that, Smoke crack and worship Satan.   
  
Evan Henry picked up the phone. "Uddnnuddin?"  
"Did you check Raw out, man?" Larry Marshall told his buddy.  
"Of course. Raw Is War, coming to the Providence Civic Center, January 17!" Evan replied.  
"So, are you getting tickets?"  
"Well, probably not unless my parents pay for them. You know, that whole 'Those assholes fired me' thing."   
"Do we even need the tickets? I'm down with Civic Center security. We can both get in and score all-access passes!"  
"ZANG!" Larry hung up as Evan headed over to try and find the money for tickets.  
  
That weekend, the two went over to the ticket offices. Evan was carrying a video camera. "Why are you carrying that?" Larry asked.  
"You know. I figure that our lives could stand to work as a really low-budget independent film, thus getting me more of a level of money enough to not need to work and a level of prestige enough to ream those jerks who did me wrong." Evan replied.  
"Cool. Well, we're next in line."  
The two walked up in line to see the "SOLD OUT" sign.  
"DAMMIT!" the two exclaimed.  
"Well, not really. Just go to our bud, get the whole 50 foot enchilaaada." Larry replied.   
  
Larry pulled out his cell phone and called up one of his pals. "Yo, dude!"  
"What's on?"  
"Nothing. We were locked out of tix and need to get in to Raw."  
"You came to the right man, buds. Just name the amount of people."  
"Oh, let's say 4 people, Complete Access, immediately."  
"You're in. I'll let you know which side I'm working, you'll be there without a problem."  
  
"Why'd you go for 4 people?" Evan asked.  
"First off, if there's extra room we won't appear as suspicious to the management, and secondly, to account for both of us getting some ladies." Larry replied.  
"Well, with my luck my only ladies will be right here." Evan said as he put up his hands.  
"Come on, man, you can get women. You're smart, you're funny, you're somewhat handsome, and most importantly, you're close personal friends with Dr.Love."  
"Yeah, but it would be somewhat easier if whenever I bring a girl to a school function SOMEBODY doesn't charm them away from me," Evan said.   
"Listen man, that was only one time!" Larry replied.  
"Well, okay."  
"On that one, you're sure you're cool with me asking Christine to come with us, right?"  
"Don't worry. I told you. I loved someone else all along."  
"Oh, yes. This mythical 'Nadia' girl. Come on, just ask her out. It'll save me and the guys a lot of trouble."  
"I don't know. It's just that she makes it impossible to be unhappy around her."  
"That's a good thing, man!"  
"Not when happiness eliminates the real me and brings forth the jerk inside of me."  
"Dude, do it. Otherwise, we'll have to assume that she's as real as the women Licker claims he's slept with..."  
"Oh, there's a difference. First off, I don't give guys women's names and act accordingly..."  
"Well, has anyone seen her?"  
"Um, Darcy got a good look at her at least once while going up there, but probably wouldn't recognize her in a lineup with Alf, Hillary Clinton and a Snapple Machine..."  
"Dude, just do it. You'll feel better." Evan took his advice and left. He proceeded to the outer limits of Downcity Providence and made the call on his cell phone.   
"Hello..."  
"Um, is Nadia there?"  
"Um, she can't come to the phone right now. Who is this?"  
"Um, it's Evan. I'm an...old friend."  
"Well, I'll tell her." Evan hung up the phone. Meanwhile, on the other line, Nadia had just gotten out of the shower.  
"Did anyone call for me?" Nadia asked.  
"This one dude. Evan something. Says you know him."  
"Oh, Evan! I've been waiting for him to call me!" She proceeded to *69 the call. However, since Evan always turned his cell off after use, it went unfound. She tried taking his home phone number and calling home, but he hadn't gotten there yet and the people who he lived with were at bingo.  
"WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME LIKE THAT? You know I like that guy!"  
  
  



	2. Default Chapter Title

"The Rather Shallow Huge Life Adventure Part Two: Where stuff starts to happen."  
  
The day finally came for Raw. The two saw each other during school.  
"TONIGHT, BABY!" Evan yelled.   
"I know, man. Big matches on tonight's card. Totally PPV able." Larry replied.  
"Do you think we should head over?"  
"Figure after school. Pick up our ladies, oh wait, you were too limp to ask!"  
"Don't worry. At the very least, it's one under."  
"Yeah." The day seemed to speed through. As soon as the final bell rang, the two jumped into Evan's car and headed for Christine's house.  
"I can't believe you are willing to go this far, man,"Evan said.  
"What? Cumberland to West Warwick? It's nothing!" Larry replied.  
"Come on, this is Rhode Island. If the houses are more than a mile away it's a long distance relationship." The two reached Christine's house.  
"Larry! Evan! What's going on?" Christine asked.  
"We're here to pick you up." Larry replied.  
"Yeah, I'm just here because I was heading that way as well and he's too cheap to buy a car," Evan said.  
"Well, the more the merrier...", Christine said. The three piled into Evan's car and headed over to the Civic Center.  
"This is what I hate about the place, too many parking garages, too much time to kill." Evan said.  
"I know one way we can all handle the time..." Christine said.  
"Sorry. Rule Number one: NO two-on-one matches unless the two are female." the two replied.  
"Well, okay. What about if I just 'Run the Gauntlet?'" Christine asked. Evan and Larry looked at each other.  
"I think we can book that one..."   
Christine started making love to the two guys one-by-one until it was close to Showtime.  
"We'd better hurry. Show's nearly starting." Evan and Larry said as they ran for the stairs.  
"Wait up!" Christine yelled. The three finally made it to the back entrance to the Civic Center.  
"What's on, Larry?" the guard said.  
"You know why we're here," Larry replied. The guard passed them their Access passes and showed them in. The three found some seats that no one was occupying.  
"These are pretty high, dude." Evan said.  
"You think we should use our passes and hang with the wrestlers?" Larry asked.  
"Well, we're in jobber fights here, so let's." The three headed out of their seats and into the back.  
"Hey, there's three seats up close that are empty! We can see stuff!" Christine shouted. The two took the seats. The show was coming closer. "I think we should use our passes now," Larry said. Evan and Christine agreed, and the three headed for the dressing rooms.  
  
"Wow, this is pretty cool!" Christine exclaimed.   
"Yeah, it can be okay." Evan replied.   
"Hey, there's a TV over there. We should check out what's going on." Larry said. The three headed over there. They proceeded to notice that Val Venis was already watching the TV. The three silently headed over and sat down. It was on commercial. After a couple, Larry spoke up.  
"Um, what's on?" Larry asked.  
"Nitro," Val replied.  
"S'Cool. What's the big matchup?"  
"I think another Nash/Goldberg or Jarrett/Booker T one. It's all the same, really." The four watched the next match. When the commercial came, Evan got Val's autograph and the three all headed off.   
  
The three found a door that was nearly open. Larry saw that it was the women's dressing room. "So, should we look inside there?"  
"Of course, man. When do we get this chance anywhere else?" Evan replied.  
"It's agreed then. We open the door." Larry opened it to find The Kat and Terri in what appeared to be a fight."Dude, this must be some form of hardcore match being shown on the TitanTron," he said.   
"Um, dude, this match is a LITTLE bit too hardcore for free cable," Evan replied. He had seen something more in the fact that both women had the tops of their costumes up and the bottoms of them down. The Kat then took Terri's face and buried it in her vagina.  
"Um, dude, you're mistaken. That's clearly a modified Stinkface right there." Larry said.  
"Um, buddy, that's not the Stinkface. That is a FORM of Stinkface, but it's not THE Stinkface."  
"Well, it must be a Bronco Buster, then. That's from the front, right?"  
"Dude, I'm sorry, but if that's a Bronco Buster, then I can officially never watch any of X-Pac's matches ever again."Evan proceeded to close the door.  
"Um, dude, what are you saying?" Larry asked.  
"I'm saying that it's safe to say that that scene is obviously NOT a part of any 'Angles' with the possible exception of switching that rivalry to 'Loving each other in a completely sexual prison manner.'" Evan replied.  
"Dood. You mean they were getting it on in there?"  
"Um, yeah Beavis."  
"COOL! I've got to check that out."  
"Um, dude, you might not want to open that door. First off, that might look suspicious, and secondly, we don't need to."   
"Why would that be?"  
"Because," Evan said as he pulled his video camera out of the side of his coat, "we've just made ourselves a GOLDMINE of a film to sell to people."  
"OUTSTANDING!"  
  
Meanwhile, over in the room, The Kat and Terri were talking.  
"Did you just hear people outside that door?" The Kat asked.  
"I think so," Terri replied.  
"And did you just hear them talking about a 'video' of some sort?"  
"I think I did." The Kat and Terri paled.  
"WE'RE FUCKED!" They both exclaimed. They opened up the door to see the three running out into the stands.  
  
To be continued...  
  



	3. Default Chapter Title

Part Three: Making some dough.  
  
"Dude! Did you just get that?" Larry asked.  
"Of course I did. Why?" Evan replied.  
"You have just Assured our financial security. We can now pay our own way!"  
"Of course. We just need to do some things beforehand."  
"Like what?"  
"RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE!" The three started to run away. They proceeded to get into Evan's car and drive in a certain direction. They finally made it to their school.  
"What are we here for?" Larry asked.  
"Just sit, wait, and it'll all be done soon." Evan headed for the school's magazine room. After about an hour, he emerged.  
"Let's go."   
  
It was a typical winter's day, so the schools were closed. Evan and Larry headed online.  
"Yo, you feel daring?" Larry asked.  
"Of course. Why?"  
"I think we should make some money now." The two headed out and met at a deserted parking lot.  
"Whoa, where'd you get that?"Larry asked.  
"I told my father I was heading out to a movie, he loaned me his car to do so."  
"ZANG." The two headed into the car, cranked up a rock station, and zoomed away.  
"Where are we heading?"  
"Stamford, of course."  
"Why not Vegas or someplace like that?"  
"Vegas won't pay beaucoup bucks for this tape." The two cranked it to as high a gear as they could get until they made it to Titan Towers.  
"Who may I say is here?" the receptionist asked.  
"We are two...WWF fans who have some serious business to talk about with...The Big Guy,"Evan replied.  
"Do you have an appointment?"  
"What's on this tape is our appointment." Larry popped the tape in. The receptionist showed them into the offices.  
  
"What do you two want?" Vince asked the two.  
"I have here a tape you'll...enjoy." Larry replied.  
"What is that? Some backyard wrestling home movie to try and get you contracts?"  
"No. Call it...Divas 2001 unless you play by our rules," Evan said. The two popped the tape in and showed it to Vince. He was silent for a second.  
"What do you want? Money? Contracts? Come on, this isn't WWF-worthy! Maybe a place like ECW or XPW would do that stuff, but we're the sane ones!"  
"Let us sidebar for a second." Evan and Larry headed over to a different corner of the room.  
"Dude! We're going to be huge, man!" Larry said.  
"Hold up. How would you like to make more money than fuck?" Evan asked.  
"Sounds damn good." The two headed over to Vince.  
"Now, let me get this straight. You'll give us how much money for this?" Larry asked.  
"I promise you both a standard 5-year deal with some sweet abilities that will be worth 2.5 million each at the end of it. In addition, I'll give you each right now another half million for the tape, as that's about how much people would pay for it on the market." Vince replied.  
"Okay. Now, we don't want this right now. However, we would like to swap numbers and do this when we want to instead," Evan replied.  
"Excellent." Vince said. He exchanged his home phone number and the companies for the two's numbers.  
"In addition, as a show of good faith, here you go." Evan gave him the tape.  
"YOU IDIOT! HA! I've got it and don't have to pay a cent!" Vince screamed.  
"Not exactly," Evan said as he pulled out his hidden camera. "This camera got all of that on tape. As such, you WILL give us the stuff promised when we ask for it or else we WILL go to court."  
"Okay. You've got it. Just call." The two left as Vince smashed the tape.  
"Dude,what are you going to do now? That was our only copy!"Larry said.  
Evan pulled out another tape.  
"Not exactly..."  
  
The two headed over to New York. They looked for the red light district until they found a place that manufactured porno movies.  
"Whaddaya want?" the person asked.  
"How much will you pay for this tape?" Evan asked.  
"What is it?"  
"You know. Stolen sex tape featuring two WWF personalities."   
"Excellent. I can use this. How's 25 grand sound?"  
"You're going to make much more on it than that. We have an offer for a half million from the WWF to destroy it. We want 200 grand."  
"Okay. I'll hook you up." The person in charge shuddered. "Damn, I'm going to have my legs broke..."  
  
The tape was mass-produced immediately. Within two weeks, the tape was in adult bookstores and finer peep booths nationwide. The WWF had egg on their faces. How could they market Kat-Terri battles if there's proof that they're closer than two women could be?   
"I have to do this for the good of the company," Vince thought. He proceeded to terminate the two women's contracts that day.  
  
The two enjoyed their money and proceeded to hang out. Suddenly, a limo came to the side of them.  
"Dude, what's that?" the window came down. It was none other than Jerry "The King" Lawler. "Get in," Jerry said. The limo proceeded to drive down to the river.  
"COME ON! Don't kill us! We didn't know it would get them fired!" Larry said.  
"I'm not going to kill you. Moreover, I wanted to shake your hands."   
"But why?" Evan asked.  
"I thought that I could handle making a company just by my fame in the South alone. Suddenly, bills started piling up. I was nearly forced to fight bears for $100 in gymnasiums to make ends meet. Then, Vince came in. Gave me money if I'd just do some commentary and some wrestling. I take it. Suddenly, he picks my company dry. All of my best sign his 'contracts.' I find out that I'm bound to his company for life. In addition, I'm too popular to fire, so I'm screwed. Pretty soon, he goes way too far."  
"What does this apply to me and Evan?" Larry asked.  
"Your 'video' got my girlfriend fired from the company. Some other stuff were returned, but she can be free now. It's too late for me, but you can probably do more good inside there."  
"Ah, I see."  
"Exactly. You've put yourselves onto one hell of a ride here, and you've got way too long to go before it ends. You have to be successful."   
"We've got you."  
"Thanks. And just out of curiosity, If I wrap up a figure for you, would you guys work toward getting the person on said figure out of their contract?"   
"Hell yeah."  
"Perfect." Jerry gave Evan and Larry a figure and left. Evan took his cell and called the company up.  
"Yeah, Vince? We're in."  
"I gotcha. Welcome to the WWF." 


	4. Default Chapter Title

Part Four: The Second Blow.  
  
The two headed over to their first show. They were greeted by Vince McMahon and his cronies.  
"Finally! You're in your first match tonight!" he said as he rushed the two towards the dressing room. Evan and Larry went in as soon as they could.  
"So, who are we facing?" Evan said.  
"I checked. We drew the Posse. Can you say 'UNDEFEATED?'"   
"Hell yeah!" The two gave each other a high-five as they trained.  
  
Meanwhile, across the hall...  
  
"Oh, dark one, grant us this boon..." Rodney said.  
"What do you want?"  
"We would like to be seen as respectable in this place. We're just buffoons here." Pete Gas said.  
"We offer up our souls for a good push.."Joey Abs added.  
"I already own your souls. However, I will give you this one."  
"Excellent!"  
  
The Posse headed into the ring. Surprisingly, people cheered for them.  
"It's working..." Rodney said.  
"Of course. The Dark One looks out for us." Joey Abs replied.  
Meanwhile, Evan and Larry were in some serious thought.  
"Dude, what did you pick out as our theme music?"  
"I don't know. I just showed them our music collection and said for them to pick what they thought would go with the characters that Vince had given us."  
"Excellent! Metal awaits."  
Suddenly, their theme music came on.  
  
"YOU ARE...MY FIRE...THE ONE...DESIRE..."  
"OH DEAR GOD NO! THEY GAVE US THE GAY CHARACTER!" Larry yelled.  
"What?"  
"Rule number one: The gay guys are always hated. Rule two: The gay guys are always beaten up badly."   
"Well, if you didn't keep the fucking Backstreet Boys in with your collection, we wouldn't be in this mess!"  
"Well, EXCUSE ME for thinking that they're good dance music!"  
"Come on, they're waiting. Let's just head out." Evan and Larry headed out to the crowd's boos.  
  
The match wasn't very good. Evan and Larry had even less skills than the Posse had. Finally, the two managed to get Pete Gas in some form of Falcon Arrow/Tombstone Piledriver combo, scoring the team the victory. After the match, they headed to try and find Vince. Instead, they found "The King" again.  
"Where the hell is McMahon?" Evan asked.  
"Let me guess. They stuck you two as the gay guys, didn't they?" Jerry asked.  
"Yeah. Why?"Larry replied.  
"It was back in the day. I was beginning to see the true nature of Vince McMahon. At this same time, my son wanted to head into the WWF. I tried to tell him not to, but you know kids. Eventually, he went in against my will. I got angry and refused to acknowledge that he was my son. He was made by the 'Mac-Man' to be naught but a jobber for a title that was two years before its time until he tried to speak against him. Vince got angry and quickly made him and some other guy who wanted in the WWF the resident gay guys. It took them two years to live that goddamn gimmick down."   
"I see."  
"Listen. ALWAYS watch your backs. There's some serious shit going on around here, and you've got targets on your asses like you're the Hardcore champ. You don't know the half of this place." Jerry left to go commentate. Meanwhile, a person in black was looking on.  
"Lawler knows too much. REGULATE." the man in black said.  
"I will, my dark lord. OOY," Tazz replied.  
  
That night, the Raw! was packed. Suddenly, it was time for another Tazz vs. Crash Holly matchup. Tazz entered the ring area with a switchblade.  
"NOW YOU'RE DEAD!" he cried out as he went to cut Jerry Lawler. Jim Ross tried to stop him, but Tazz just cut him in the face. Crash tried to jump him, but Tazz cut off his pinky finger. Just as he got to The King, the room went dark. The opening strains of Remy Zero's "Prophecy" blasted. Suddenly, the room was lit up. It was Evan and Larry, but instead of the outfits that they had worn for their first match, they looked like they were rejects from the latest "Final Fantasy" game. Both jumped down from the rafters, each landing onto one of Tazz's shoulders. The shoulders broke, forcing him to drop the switchblade in the process. They picked it up and proceeded to ask some questions.  
"What's your motive?" Evan asked.  
"I WAS SENT BY THE DARK LORD TO COMMIT REGICIDE! DON'T TRY ANY FUNNY BUSINESS!" Tazz replied.  
"Um, dude, Regis isn't in the building," Crash said.  
"You idiot! Regicide is to murder a king!" Larry replied.  
"Oh. My bad. Pass me the switchblade." Crash took it and proceeded to cut Tazz's pinky off. "How do you like that, bitch?" The pinky's wound proceeded to seal itself off. "That's a bad thing, right?" Crash asked.  
The two took a steel chair and a leather strap out from under the ring and proceeded to tie him up. "Now, you're doomed." Evan took the switchblade and cut a mark into Tazz's chest. Steam started to rise from the wound.   
"What the fuck is that?" Larry asked.  
Larry tried to cut the back of his neck. Strangely, the knife caught a lump of putty that was sealing up a hole.   
"This is getting REALLY weird..."  
Lawler took the knife from him. "Why were you sent to kill me?"  
"The dark one says you know too much..."  
"I know too much? You're right, man. I do know some things that you don't. I know why you want me dead, but you also do. I know that these two guys are next, but you don't know why yet. Oh yeah, I also knew Owen Hart. You didn't," Lawler said, "BUT YOU'RE GOING TO MEET HIM!" Lawler took the knife and slashed Tazz's throat. "Say hi to him from 'The King', okay?"  
The crowd went silent.  
The crowd started cheering. Lawler, Crash, Evan, and Larry headed into the ring.  
"Thank you! Thank you! We are The ArchAngels. You know who I am," Lawler said.  
"If you came early, you knew me as 'Evan Emazing', but you may now refer to me as Bartleby, the Doombringer."  
"Same story, only I was 'Latin' Larry Lover, but now you may call me Loki, the Shadowman."  
"Um, do I have to be in with this, guys?" Crash said.  
"Sorry, man, but you've gotten yourself in WAY over your head. You have to for your own safety," Lawler replied.  
"Oh. I can still be Crash, right?"   
"You might want something a little cooler. How does Gabriel, the Lightcharger sound?"  
"Awesome!" The four left the ring area to the sounds of cheers.   



End file.
